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The Election and the Absurd AN APOLOGY (OF SORTS) TO OUR READERS (AND THE BOSS) Recently, due to personal and health problems, I've been somewhat remiss in my duties as Contributing Editor and general life-of-the-party here at City2. From now until Election Day, I promise I'll be back with a vengeance. How could I resist such a wealth of material?!? We've got huge fish swimming around in a very small barrel, and the .50 cal is ready to go. Be sure to log on regularly, and enjoy the hunt. You won't want to miss the fun. On Labor Day, George W. was overheard referring to a reporter as an (well, as some reported it, a seven-letter word relating to a body part.) The media immediately picked up this story, no doubt fearing that their people, too, would be referred to as (body parts.) To me, it sounded more like a campaign promise being kept even before the campaign was over, to wit, plain speaking. The reporter in question is, in George W.'s estimation, biased against the Bush campaign, and could be correctly described as an (body part.) I think the press realized this, as, within twenty-four hours, this "issue" became a "non-issue." They figured out that no one was going to change their pro-Bush vote on account of this (body part), but some undecided voters might just feel that calling a (body part) an (body part) is the kind of honesty we need after eight years of lying and lawyerly evasions from both "Define 'is'" Bubba and his pal "No controlling legal authority" Gore. Plain talk, when at reasonably truthful, has always appealed to the American public. Let's just call an asshole an asshole. The scariest thing to come out of the two major political conventions was the statement by Chicago's Mayor Daley that, as his father did in 1960, he would deliver the election to the Democratic candidate. Back in 1960, as regular readers of this column will recall, Daley's father, with the assistance of mob boss Sam Giancana, stole the election for Jack Kennedy. Those of us who live in Chicago are used to corrupt politics, but to have our mayor announce to the entire nation that this election will be stolen by gangsters is an insult to 2.5 million Chicagoans, and the entire country. Those of us who play the political game by the rules should not have our votes negated by politicians and crooks who cynically exploit the system for their personal gain. (Actually, things didn't exactly work out well for the 60's Outfit—the Kennedys turned on them!) But allowing criminal politicians, and political criminals, to take over our government is an offense against all honest people in this country. ABSURDITY STRIKES AGAIN Once again, the powers-that-be have gotten things all wrong. The other night, a suburban Chicago couple left their three year old child in a taxicab after returning home from vacation. The child was returned unharmed to the parents a short time later. The kicker? The cab driver was ticketed for failing to check for lost property in the back of the cab before going about his business. He now faces a $100 fine because these people were more concerned about their luggage than their kids. Had the family in question been poor or working-class people, the welfare folks would probably have taken their kids already, citing "child endangerment" or some such thing. But when you live in an affluent suburb, things are a bit different. Musta been the cabbie's fault. Cowboy Featured Columnist & Contributing Editor City2 e-news ©2000 All rights reserved